Face Your Fear or Fear Your Face!

that time I smoked a toad.

‘FEARFACE’ by me this afternoon, 2025

And again I’m found reflecting on simplicity. Words can live in long lines of luxury but oftentimes the least can do the most. That sentence itself was on the edge. I mention in my book that, during heartbreak, a friend simply told me that

‘One day you’ll wake up and feel better. It’s guaranteed.’

That was it. And to further prove the point, she’s one of the most articulate people I know. There is something to be said for efficiency. In times of crises. Not always. Believe me I need ambiguity. I crave the grey space between words and perception. I can find whatever I need. Or gifted something I wasn’t aware of. But those uncut, direct ones? Little intake of breath. They hit.

And I’d like to revisit ancient knowledge. A sentiment perpetually promoted. For good reason. But I really want to sit with it. Because it’s not a joke. It really is real. And that reality is quite simply that we must all FACE our FEARS.

It seems obvious, but does it? It does to me. Doesn’t do much to change the outcome. Facing fear is horrendous. Often our minds and egos create imaginary realms where facing our fears is unnecessary. Inconvenient. But it’s essential. Not only because of the visceral sensation we experience when a monster shrinks. But also because if we carry fear with us, it can very easily clone itself.

The first time I learned that my mum had vertigo, we were halfway up the steps towards a temple. She encouraged me to walk ahead and just let her sit down for a second. I remember being confused and concerned, but for whatever reason I didn’t feel as though I was unable to go any further. She also, importantly, didn’t want to prevent me from going any further. Which I’ve grown to appreciate the older I’ve got. The very least we can do as humans and parental figures is try our best to let fear die with us. Which is getting harder by the day. We are drowning in fear.

Have we forgotten how difficult the first time is for nearly anything? How daunting an activity is on the basis we have never done it? Left with only our worst possible case scenarios and whatever hellish discussion board we’ve found on the internet. I’ve seen people read their way out of an experience. Unreliably narrate their way out of something life changing. We definitely don’t have to experience everything. Bravery isn’t always necessary. But as the saying goes - you lose what you don’t use.

That works in a physical sense like our muscles. But also in a non physical sense like with courage. It’s so easy to slip into a place where we turn away from situations that seem immediately difficult and unappealing. Sometimes you have to do shit for the feeling after. We have to motivate ourselves. Otherwise immobility becomes second nature. I say immobility. For some, amidst this chaotically hyper productive society, the idea of “doing nothing” as in “just being” is what’s scary. I certainly struggle with that. The more we do something, the easier it gets.

Comfort kills. It doesn’t have to be huge. Not massive. Little wins too. Day by day. Bite size. Don’t have to scale a mountain. Go for a walk. Speak kindly to yourself. Be honest with yourself. Who are you without distraction? .

We are also fed fear without facing it. Naomi Klein wrote a book called ‘The Shock Doctrine’. From just the first couple of chapters the message is clear. People are more malleable in a state of fear. Historically, in the wake of major crises, people swoop in to make long term moves. Buying up real estate in the wake of a hurricane. Use impending war to change law. Remove freedoms while we hide from invisible viruses. It’s almost obvious. But so hard to evade.

And as time goes on. The news gets wilder. More and more unnecessary. Every day it’s terror. Every day is hand picked global atrocity. For what? To maintain a state of vigilance. Distrust. A state of insecurity. And what’s more. Is the added sprinkle of guilt if you dare look away. For some, it’s morally unacceptable to not engage with global horror. Of course, in some cases I agree with this. There are global atrocities that play right into our local frameworks. Genocides we cannot ignore. But random pile ups in another continent? Someone being attacked by a shark off a random shore? I just looked on my phone now. Family of 5 killed in helicopter crash in New York. Why is that on BBC news? What am I gaining from this information?

Quick answer - nothing. If my family were on that helicopter, I wouldn’t need BBC news to tell me. And what’s more. My inevitable compassion isn’t necessarily limitless. Is it selfish for me to hope to hold on to whatever energy I have reserved that day? Keep it for those immediately around me? For those I can genuinely affect? People are building their entire concepts of the world off of completely unfiltered clickbait. Due diligence has died. It’s all about speed and panic. This fear does little but unease us. Keep us captive. But it’s addictive. So in actuality the confrontation we’d need to make in this circumstance, is being brave enough to turn it off. Brave enough to step outside. Connect to our local community.

These days I lose jobs and money because of my views. Apparently I wasn’t considered “safe enough to work in a school” because I discussed the legality of psychedelics on a podcast. Specifically DMT. I only spoke about DMT because I