I think it’s really important to acknowledge that the girl from Oxford was white and middle class. It reminded me of the Brock Turner case. He was treated appallingly leniently because he was white and his dad was wealthy and influential. Maybe not so much a gender issue as racism and classism.
I also agree with Jade who commented above that it’s better not to give shit like this TikTok video oxygen by even bothering to talk about it. However I also get that as someone over 40 who is not a TikTok user I’m probably not quite the intended audience for this post, and maybe there are large numbers of younger people who need to throw their minds around these ideas.
I like the stuff you write, Jordan. It feels like having a meaningful conversation over a relaxed brunch, and I appreciate you sharing your explorations. Keep doing what you’re doing ♥️
Yeah, I’ve had a few conversations since posting and it’s definitely a case of me surfing through complex topics without perhaps engaging or contextualising enough. Felt like I had my eye on one particular issue while creating others. Jade makes great points. I welcome all feedback and take it seriously.
Thank you for that. I’ve been encouraged to sit in the discomfort of being “wrong” in some people’s eyes. Or perhaps being misunderstood. It’s a big fear of mine and probably a blog in itself, to be honest. That fun old abandonment wound. So that’s what I’m doing for a sec.
I feel you're more likely to see down and out conventionally attractive women being used for prostitution instead of stood asking for change at the lights.
I came to make the same comment - "attractive women" or indeed ANY unhoused women are more likely to be experiencing hidden homelessness like couch surfing, suffering exploitation and as you mentioned, victims of the sex trade. Even if they are living on the streets, they're more likely to be hiding to protect themselves from gender-based violence. Research shows the BIGGEST risk to women's welfare when living on the streets is men.
But there's also something else gross at play here - do we as a "society" allow women who are living in dangerous and precarious situations to be thought of "conventionally attractive" or does being an "attractive woman" come with a massive set of rules that dictates certain kinds of personal grooming and behaviour before you meet that standard, whereas a man can be presented as he is. The types of men who would tell us to "make an investment" in this man would call his female equivalent "low value".
Even writing that paragraph made me feel a bit sick - I shouldn't be on the internet on a Monday morning debating whether people experiencing extreme poverty and harm are hot or not. It's not a useful conversation for us to be having in the context of this blog or otherwise, it's really dehumanising and unfortunately does the exact thing that Jordan wrote this blog to decry. I think sometimes, when awful people (whoever made this tik tok) do awful things, we need to make sure we don't contribute to the harm by giving it oxygen.
Human value whittled down to a short form media revenue stream. The disconnect is bigger every day. If only we could just disconnect and discover something real.
As ever Jordan you write courageously and from the heart. Daring to 'say the unsayable', offering another perspective (not THE truth). I love how you challenge my (often lazy) thinking about privilege and gender and the whole human experience. Thank you for sharing some of your inner world with us and for most reading this, for free too. You are a gift and I can hear your Ancestors cheering from here. Shine on. xxx
I appreciate you and your want to share your articulate reflections with the world. Yes, one clip can breed so many thoughts and potential for a discusion - I get that too and I hardly ever find other people to share opinions with, bounce ideas back and forth like a table tennis match and not necessarily come to any conclusion. Process what goes on around us. Analyze. Process. Digest. I'm tired of non-reflective, righteous, narrow-mindedness.
What a bizarre post. Anyone under the boot of poverty is under the boot of poverty. Good looks doesn’t afford you relief from that, whether you’re a man or a woman.
Poverty might manifest slightly differently across genders, yes. But to suggest anyone is protected from being poor because they have a nice face is a reach.
Your veiled resentment towards women and desire to persistently position men as victims, and women as not so victimy, is becoming more and more obvious to me and it makes me really uncomfortable. I am unfollowing now. Take care.
I just had to reread the article because I was quite surprised by your comment… my take on it is that it’s the patriarchy he resents rather than women, and that he happens to be zoning in on how it affects men negatively as much as women.
I think it’s really important to acknowledge that the girl from Oxford was white and middle class. It reminded me of the Brock Turner case. He was treated appallingly leniently because he was white and his dad was wealthy and influential. Maybe not so much a gender issue as racism and classism.
I also agree with Jade who commented above that it’s better not to give shit like this TikTok video oxygen by even bothering to talk about it. However I also get that as someone over 40 who is not a TikTok user I’m probably not quite the intended audience for this post, and maybe there are large numbers of younger people who need to throw their minds around these ideas.
I like the stuff you write, Jordan. It feels like having a meaningful conversation over a relaxed brunch, and I appreciate you sharing your explorations. Keep doing what you’re doing ♥️
Yeah, I’ve had a few conversations since posting and it’s definitely a case of me surfing through complex topics without perhaps engaging or contextualising enough. Felt like I had my eye on one particular issue while creating others. Jade makes great points. I welcome all feedback and take it seriously.
Thank you for that. I’ve been encouraged to sit in the discomfort of being “wrong” in some people’s eyes. Or perhaps being misunderstood. It’s a big fear of mine and probably a blog in itself, to be honest. That fun old abandonment wound. So that’s what I’m doing for a sec.
Sitting with the discomfort of being wrong in some people’s eyes or misunderstood is great advice - I definitely need to work on that too!
I feel you're more likely to see down and out conventionally attractive women being used for prostitution instead of stood asking for change at the lights.
I came to make the same comment - "attractive women" or indeed ANY unhoused women are more likely to be experiencing hidden homelessness like couch surfing, suffering exploitation and as you mentioned, victims of the sex trade. Even if they are living on the streets, they're more likely to be hiding to protect themselves from gender-based violence. Research shows the BIGGEST risk to women's welfare when living on the streets is men.
But there's also something else gross at play here - do we as a "society" allow women who are living in dangerous and precarious situations to be thought of "conventionally attractive" or does being an "attractive woman" come with a massive set of rules that dictates certain kinds of personal grooming and behaviour before you meet that standard, whereas a man can be presented as he is. The types of men who would tell us to "make an investment" in this man would call his female equivalent "low value".
Even writing that paragraph made me feel a bit sick - I shouldn't be on the internet on a Monday morning debating whether people experiencing extreme poverty and harm are hot or not. It's not a useful conversation for us to be having in the context of this blog or otherwise, it's really dehumanising and unfortunately does the exact thing that Jordan wrote this blog to decry. I think sometimes, when awful people (whoever made this tik tok) do awful things, we need to make sure we don't contribute to the harm by giving it oxygen.
Human value whittled down to a short form media revenue stream. The disconnect is bigger every day. If only we could just disconnect and discover something real.
As ever Jordan you write courageously and from the heart. Daring to 'say the unsayable', offering another perspective (not THE truth). I love how you challenge my (often lazy) thinking about privilege and gender and the whole human experience. Thank you for sharing some of your inner world with us and for most reading this, for free too. You are a gift and I can hear your Ancestors cheering from here. Shine on. xxx
I appreciate you and your want to share your articulate reflections with the world. Yes, one clip can breed so many thoughts and potential for a discusion - I get that too and I hardly ever find other people to share opinions with, bounce ideas back and forth like a table tennis match and not necessarily come to any conclusion. Process what goes on around us. Analyze. Process. Digest. I'm tired of non-reflective, righteous, narrow-mindedness.
What a bizarre post. Anyone under the boot of poverty is under the boot of poverty. Good looks doesn’t afford you relief from that, whether you’re a man or a woman.
Poverty might manifest slightly differently across genders, yes. But to suggest anyone is protected from being poor because they have a nice face is a reach.
Your veiled resentment towards women and desire to persistently position men as victims, and women as not so victimy, is becoming more and more obvious to me and it makes me really uncomfortable. I am unfollowing now. Take care.
I just had to reread the article because I was quite surprised by your comment… my take on it is that it’s the patriarchy he resents rather than women, and that he happens to be zoning in on how it affects men negatively as much as women.